It's A...

Pregnancies definitely don't look the same way in our life as they do in the movies (for the most part).  We discovered I was pregnant for the first time when we were preparing to buy our first house.  We had to make some teeny tiny decision and fill out some simple paperwork, and I had a freak out melt down.  I was physically unable to make a decision.  It was crazy!  My husband gently asked, "Um...  Do you think you might be pregnant?"  Turns out the answer was, "Yes!"  We were super excited of course!  We took a picture of the little two pink little lines and slipped them into a stack of family pictures.  We then gave that stack of pictures to each family to open on Christmas morning.  We were somewhat cautiously excited and shared our news with minimal people "just in case", but we didn't think we would have any problems.  Two miscarriages later, pregnancy would never be the same.

By the time I was pregnant for the third time, not only were we afraid to celebrate, but I think our family and friends were, too.  Nobody really knew if they were "allowed".  We started out our third pregnancy with a subchorionic hemorrhage (basically, I bled at the beginning of my pregnancy - no welcome sign after having two miscarriages for sure!) and then during the anatomy scan we discovered a choroid plexus cyst on baby's brain (which usually is nothing and goes away, but again, really not welcome news after two miscarriages).  There was no rest in nerves for us throughout the whole pregnancy except our ultimate hope in the faithfulness and goodness of God regardless of circumstances.

Meanwhile, I have a wonderful friend from college who was pregnant at the same time and due just a couple weeks after I was.  It was so different reading her blog documenting her story.  When she found out she was pregnant she made a special and fun way to tell her husband, and then they had a special way to tell their family and friends.  Their whole journey was filled with excitement.  They had a gender reveal party and a bunch of other fun things that we never rejoiced in due to caution and fear.  It was like witnessing an alternate reality!

Nine months passed, and were blessed to welcome my beloved daughter into the world, hold her in our arms, and squish her.  Sleepless nights only made me rejoice - I was never sure I would ever have a chance at them!  Fast forward a little bit, and we are now expecting a second little one to join our family!  We told our our families at Thanksgiving, and they were excited but asked us to let them know when they were really allowed to get excited.  That sort of made me sad.  In our fear while pregnant with my daughter, we missed out on a lot of rejoicing.  I do not want to make that mistake again.  Even if I never get to hold this child in my arms, I want to make sure I have fully rejoiced over every minute I spend with my child in my womb.  It is such a blessing, honor, and joy!

So because of that, we decided to celebrate with a little gender reveal party for our families - that way we could all rejoice together.  I always have these crazy ideas and schemes but am rarely successful at pulling them off.  This was no exception, haha.  I barely have any pictures, I was still making food after our families had arrived, we didn't even decide exactly how we were going to "reveal" until that morning, we didn't get to play the games I wanted to play, I didn't finish decorating, etc.  But that's my style - our families are used to it, hehe.  Oh well!  So I'll share with you what we did accomplish and what we didn't (in case you are better at execution and want to use any of my incomplete ideas).  :)

THE SETUP:

• Color theme: silver/grey, white, & lime green
• Actual Decor: homemade tissue paper pom poms (tutorial to be posted on the blog soon), lime green table cloth, white serving platters, fun napkins with little animals on them
• Non-Executed (but planned) Decor: paper circle garland, paper bunting, sonogram picture bunting, food labels (I can post how tos on the blog in the future for these as well)
• Actual Special Touches: I bought a 99cent box of straws at Target and then cut out a bunch of lips and mustaches, hole punched the lips and mustaches in the middle, and set them on the table to represent people's guesses!  I also made a little paper in the theme colors where people would sign their names in the boy column or girl column for baby's memory album later.

THE MENU (lunch party):

• Chicken salad sandwiches (recipe to be posted soon)
• Cucumber sandwiches (recipe to be posted soon)
• Deviled eggs (recipe to be posted soon)
• Ruffles and Ranch dip
• Fruit platter
• White cake with strawberry preserves and buttercream frosting (recipe to be posted soon) in the color typically tied with baby's gender
• Cake ball party favors (recipe to be posted soon - also, I totally forgot to hand these out...  sigh) with the cake the color typically tied with baby's gender
• Frozen sorbet (recipe to be posted soon) in the color typically tied with baby's gender
• Water (meant to be citrus water, but I ran out of time)
• Sweet tea (recipe to be posted soon)

OTHER (non-executed...  again, sigh) IDEAS:

• I had wanted to have a pregnancy craving/habit printout game where the guests would guess whether this pregnancy made me crave salty or sweet, crave healthy or non-healthy foods, sleep a ton or have total insomnia, etc.  Had this been executed, I would have had a small prize for the winner or perhaps we would have let this person go in the other room and eat their cake ball party favors early to know the gender just before everyone else found out!
• I also had hope to do a little name suggestion idea I saw online somewhere (probably pinterest) where guests suggest boy and girl names - not because we were necessarily looking for name suggestions from others, but I hear the results are often fun and hilarious!

THE REVEAL:

• We wanted it to be fun for our daughter, so we put helium balloons in the color usually tied to the gender of the baby in a giant box along with little tissue paper pom poms in that color and a pic of the sonogram for proof!  Again, if I were good at execution, the box would have been decorated all fun.  But alas, I'm just not that put together, and I'm quite okay with that.  :D

Hope my story, executed ideas, and non-executed ideas have inspired you to rejoice in the moments at hand!  Here's a quick story board of about the only pics I managed to snap that day during the actual reveal and a family shot:

...and just for fun.  Here's a pic of my brother sporting one of the paper mustaches I made at our little nerd style after party with him, my sister-in-law, and niece.  I think it becomes him very well, haha!  The board game we were playing is Citadels.

A Significant Date in LolaLand

Photo source found here.

Today is a significant date in my life and in the history of LolaLand Creations.  It is part of the reason LolaLand Creations exists.  It is a date that has greatly shaped my life - a date of remembrance of grief and loss and yet a reminder of a bigger hope than this life and of present and future joy.  August 27, 2009 was the estimated due date of my husband's and my first child - a day that came to pass without fulfillment of the promise and hopes it once held - a day robbed by miscarriage.

Miscarriage is like an exclusive club into which you suddenly find yourself forced. Nobody wants to join it, but there is great fellowship in it.  One of the things that makes miscarriage so difficult is that it is often a physically intangible loss.  Sure, it's certainly tangible to your body, but often, you do not get to hold your child in your arms or in some cases the palm of your hand.  I didn't even have an ultrasound picture from my first pregnancy to have as a memorial to my dearly missed child.  I had nothing tangible to hold onto.  It is hard to explain to others the depth of loss from not only the loss of a child but the loss of hopes, dreams, naivety, and all the future joy of getting know and raise your precious little one.  It can be difficult for others to mourn with you through it since there's nothing tangible to them to help them understand.

During the same month but before that pregnancy began, a sweet friend taught me how to chain and single crochet.  Later in my miscarriage journey, my church's miscarriage and infertility ministry blessed me with a memory box.  Amongst other things of encouragement, in the box, was a small hand-knit blanket.  My eyes are watering right now just thinking of how that small blanket and box encouraged me.  For me, it was finally a tangible recognition of my grief.  It was a truly compassionate way for ladies who have walked similar paths to love on me and assure me that my grief was legitimate.  The blanket especially touched my heart since I had learned to crochet and knew first-hand how much love, time, and sacrifice goes into handmade goods.  Oh how I clutched that blanket and wept!  The thought that someone spent time, energy, and financial resources to encourage me through difficult days was a powerful reminder to me of God's great love for me when I found myself struggling to believe I was lovable.

As I walked this path, I found it very difficult to share about my journey and grief with others who had not also experienced miscarriage.  From talking with other friends who have since walked similar paths, I guess it's a way that we try to cope - we try to shove down the pain and fake our idea of 'normalcy' instead of opening ourselves up to community encouragement and help with bearing the burden.  We tell ourselves that those who have not experienced it cannot have the level of compassion for which we so yearn.  Though they may not be able to understand exactly what we're going through, the idea that others cannot have some understanding and cannot truly empathize is such a lie!  Have not others had and lost?  Have not others suffered disappointed hopes and shattered dreams?  Have not others experienced bitter grief at some point?  Oh, ladies, men, families suffering miscarriage - do not give in to the lie!  I beg you!  Find rest and comfort in fellowship - allow others help you carry your heavy burden.  It is a heavy and dark road to walk alone.

And so LolaLand Creations was eventually birthed.  I was given this story for the glory of God, and I feel I must share it.  As Jeremiah 20:9 says, "If I say, 'I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,' there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot." So I craft to worship, I craft because it has been used in the process of healing, I craft to share the story given me for the encouragement of others, I craft to proclaim with tested and increased faith that God is good and does good (and has shown it through the death and resurrection of Christ, exchanging my punishment for unrighteousness for His righteousness), and I craft to love on others by currently giving approximately 10% of the sale price of all LolaLand Creations to the Hopeful Hearts (the miscarriage, infertility, and early infant loss) ministry which gave so much to me.

And so, August 27th for me is a day of both sadness and joy.  Wishing you all faith, hope, and love!  Thanks for reading!