Believe. Hope. Write.

'Infertility' - A word we prefer to ignore.  It's a seemingly intangible struggle to those of us who haven't found ourselves in the midst of it, but it is oh so very tangible to those living it.  As it is by definition a lengthy period of waiting, some folks who really do mean well and want to cheer their friends or family members up try to do so by glazing over the hurt and trying to rush past the grieving.  Let's face it:  It hurts to see a loved one hurt.  But when walking through a battle so intimately connected to every fiber of one's being as infertility is, what your friend needs is to be allowed to hurt and have others to walk through the hurt with her instead of pushing her to get over it quickly.  Mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.

How then do we encourage our loved ones struggling with infertility while still allowing them to feel and acknowledging their hurt?  We let them know they are loved and cared for over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  In infertility, there is a deep root of fear of unworthiness, a questioning of value, and sometimes a feeling of guilt.  You can't force a person to feel loved, but you can gently remind her that she is loved and hope and pray that it becomes encouraging truth to her heart.  What a person who is struggling with infertility wants from you is your presence - not magical words from your lips that you think might make things all better.  She is looking for a friend who is going to be there for the long haul - a friend who is patient with her as she wrestles with the same thing(s) again and again.

If you are a Christ follower, remind your friend that she is loved by God so much that He gave His only Child for her and that God really is empathetic.  While He allows suffering, He allows it because He has our overall good and joy in the long haul and big picture in mind that we can often only see in hindsight. There will come a day when there are no more tears or suffering and that should remind us that the heart of God really is for us and not against us, even when it seems so hard to believe.

One practical expression of love toward a friend with infertility is a journal.  In it, she can be 100% honest.  It is a safe place to work through the hurt, acknowledge all her fears, and wrestle through all her struggles.  There is no judgment in its pages.  The only person reading it thoroughly understands every pained word, every joyful word, and every hopeful word in it, because she is the same person writing in it.  You can encourage her to pen in her journal what she is not yet ready to share with others.  Remind her that the journal is there for the long haul and so are you.


With the revenue acquired from April's sales at LolaLand Creations, I was able to purchase a stack of simple composition notebooks to give to the Hopeful Hearts Ministry.  They turned the totally drab:

Into totally fab:

Hopeful Hearts will be giving these journals out in my community, but this is a heartfelt handmade craft idea that you can make yourself to bless someone you know journeying through infertility.  Believe.  Hope.  Write.